I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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