Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
