I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
