we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
