i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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