I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
