Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize