Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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