I looked at my own cervix.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
