she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
