at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
