Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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