This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
