Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
