also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
