first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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