Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
