I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
