Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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