I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
