Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
