Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
