btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
