If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
