I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
