Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize