You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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