Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
