Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
