Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
