New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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