Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
