I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
