I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
