at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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