My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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