Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize