I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
