wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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