im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
