They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
