We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
