shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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