the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
