And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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