Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
