I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
