So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize