i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
