Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
