Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
