whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
