D3 body, D1 cock
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
pray to the hookup gods
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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