I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize