then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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