Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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