good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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