Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
