how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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