Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
