you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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