so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
