Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
