Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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