dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
