i barfeds in our rink
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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