please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
