im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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