I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
