he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
