During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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