Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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