There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
