I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
