It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
