How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
