Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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