It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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