You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
