Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
