I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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