I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
