I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
