I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
