i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
