You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
