Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You may now shotgun with the bride
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize