remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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