Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
