It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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