Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
