I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
