thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
