I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You dont lie about slip and slides
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
