My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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