Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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