She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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