We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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