I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
