Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
