I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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