Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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