so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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