shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
