UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
did i just pee glitter
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
