Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm getting married
To pizza
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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