Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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