put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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